Zulu Time 4tw !

Seriously folks, as if DST wasn't stupid enough, do we really have to combine it with the retarded concept of time zones to make things even more uselessly confusing ?

One would argue having hours all fuzzy and mixed up around the clock has a redeeming value, would it contribute to raise awareness about the notion that time is not, in fact, a constant and frozen dimension, but c'mon: grab anyone at random in the street — not on campus, you cheater ! — and ask them how switching the clock forward one hour every spring makes them feel about their LightCone.

Chances are the answer will be something akin to "Huh ?", or "Go away, you pervert !", depending on gender/age differences between the guinea pig and yourself.

Not only are Timezones stupid in essence, when no one sets their clock by sundials anymore, but they are botched beyond repair. Check the map, and tell me if it makes sense to you...

As national borders erode in favor of continental (global) and regional (local) spatial references, clinging on a literal translation of sovereignty from map to clock is about as relevant as the defense of flat earth theory, or the selection of rulers based on physical prowess.
...hold the presses, does "best hair" count as physical prowess ?

Moving on.

Zulu to the rescue.

That's an easy fix: let's all switch once and for good to Zulu, GMT, UTC, UT1, TAI, however you want to call it, and be done with that.

No matter where you go, then you are: no more clock fiddling, local time confusion, longitudinal discrepancies over nonsensically expanded/shrunk timezones. US east-coasters would have diner around 23.00h, just like they do now, only their clocks won't be blinking stupidly on 6 PM anymore, and it will still be about breakfast time in Osaka, just like today.
[And yes, we would take the opportunity to get rid of the dumbalicious AM/PM notation, as it really, really wouldn't mean squat anymore.]

If people can adjust to DST twice a year — a change just big enough to be unsettling for a couple weeks every time it happens — odds are pretty good they can adjust to a one-time, however severe change of display on their wristwatches.

Maybe the transition could be helped by going for dual-display of *old* and *new* time, while I suspect it could be more a drag than anything.
Alternatively, clocks could be upgraded with a fourth hand, coupled with geolocation, that would point solar noon for your current locale, and give a feel for one's "when" in the day.

That would be cute, and sell a lot of wristwatches, gotta love it.
[If someone knows how to hack a google gadget for that, eternal love shall ensue.]

Why UTC and not InternetTime ?

Short answer: because Swatch's iNet Time is a proprietary time.
Long answer: because Swatch Internet Time is just as ridiculously stupefid as the short answer above hints.
  • It's locked on Biel, Switzerland (no kidding), and not even accurate at that ;
  • It substitutes an arbitrary unit everybody is used to for another no one will get used to, as it doesn't fucking divide (because-we-can type of design flaw) ;
  • who wants to to mesure 2.31481481481 friggin beats to properly cook an oeuf à la coque, anyways ?
Case closed, as far as I'm concerned.

Wrapping up

Zulu is good because it's already a standard for time-critical applications, like airlines, high-sea navigation, and basically anything that has a non-cosmetic use for timekeeping.
Also, most people who routinely relate or travel to distant locales are already up to speed on their relative position to UTC.

As an ancillary benefit, coming to agree on giving each other the time of the day could be a nice first step towards acknowledging we're all more or less on the same boat.

Holy Carpaccio, Melissa: how campy can I get with punchlines ?

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